Curse

Darkhell153 · Dec 26, 2007, 10:57 PM // 22:57

Here are a few of mine, wonder what you've heard.

"What the heck...was on my puppet's but....that would label me the potential terrorist?" "Well sir it's militairy grade explosives" "Ha ha...wha?" "Well it can sometimes be confused with lotion" *loling atm*

"Use the forks"

"Luke, I am your thirteen thousand and fourty second uncle sixteen times removed on your mother's side and your..." *it cuts off there*

great sir s · Dec 26, 2007, 11:29 PM // 23:29

when that bounty hunter dog guy made that racist phone call now hes apologizing everywhere. that guy is a comlpete idiot but the call WAS funny, his show sucks too

Neal · Dec 26, 2007, 11:45 PM // 23:45

“I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.”

“If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting”

“It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.”

“If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong though. It's Hambone.”

“The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?”

“Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared”

“I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.”

“You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.”

“When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.”

“If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.”

“If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.”

“When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.”

“I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!”

Zebideedee · Dec 27, 2007, 01:20 AM // 01:20

You can always count on Homer to come up with gems, my fav atm is "I'm a Rageaholic, I'm addicted to rageahol!"

bebe · Dec 27, 2007, 01:22 AM // 01:22

"Big lima bean, bubblin up!"

Guess where from!

Brianna · Dec 27, 2007, 02:23 AM // 02:23

Red Eye of course. (Insert name here), and make comment about said person;

''If sexyness were a pool I'd splash around in her deep end.

If Bravery were Domino's Pizza, I'd be frustrated if
he didn't come in 30 minutes.

If Intelligence were a shoe, I'd make sure her tongue
was in the right place, and I'd tie her up.

If beauty were a bookcase, I'd screw her against the wall.

If sexyness were a broken down car,
I'd service her on the side of the road.''

Greg's ''Comments'' he makes to every guest he has on his show. Haven't watched that in many months though.

Mortal Amongst Mere Gods · Dec 27, 2007, 03:00 AM // 03:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

Red Eye of course. (Insert name here), and make comment about said person;

''If sexyness were a pool I'd splash around in her deep end.

If Bravery were Domino's Pizza, I'd be frustrated if
he didn't come in 30 minutes.

If Intelligence were a shoe, I'd make sure her tongue
was in the right place, and I'd tie her up.

If beauty were a bookcase, I'd screw her against the wall.

If sexyness were a broken down car,
I'd service her on the side of the road.''

Greg's ''Comments'' he makes to every guest he has on his show. Haven't watched that in many months though.

Goddam those are funny.

These are some that I just have to tell my gf. She's gonna have a good laugh about this.

One for me is Ron White from BCTV (Blue Collar TV): "So, I'm in a jet flying from Flagstaff to Phoenix, should only be a good twenty minutes. One of the engines goes out, so the guy next to me freaks out and starts asking stuff like, 'How far will the other one take us?' Now, now, I'm drunk as hell at this time, so I tell him, 'To the scene of the crash.' "

Not sure exactly how that one goes, been some time since I've seen it. But it was along those lines.

Divinitys Creature · Dec 27, 2007, 03:20 AM // 03:20

I just watched the "Click" DVD on TV (Adam Sandler) and David Hasselhoff's character says in a lecture he is giving about sexual harassment: "if you want a promotion, bring out the lotion" I actually lol'd.

Baffneu · Dec 27, 2007, 08:40 PM // 20:40

" You put your seed in my daughters belly, I'd kill you too if you weren't my brother!" somewhere along those lines..

Mike_version2 · Dec 27, 2007, 09:01 PM // 21:01

nearly anything from Dr Cox from scrubs, for instance this one:

Dr. Cox: "Lemme ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside somebody's clogged artery when all that person has to do, really is - oh, I don't know - go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad. And you come back here looking like that? And, I know here, I know I'm supposed to be Dr. Give-A-Crap, but you wanna hear the God's honest truth? And this is a fact: you are what you eat. And you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn't ya?"

Miss Puddles · Dec 27, 2007, 09:22 PM // 21:22

nice jack handey quotations, neal

i love those.

there was a commercial for david spade's gossip show a while back, it went something like this:
"peter gabrial has filed for divorce from his wife, claiming that it's *singing* all been a pack of lies!"

Inde · Dec 27, 2007, 10:42 PM // 22:42

"Trust me, if I had a feminine side I would be touching it all the time."

Falllikeleaves · Dec 27, 2007, 11:13 PM // 23:13

Family Guy, the baby stewie is trying to get on a plane, and when a security gaurd catches him and stewie says "Ill give you anything you want! Money! Women.... Men?" AHAHHAAH i love it... =)

Queenie · Dec 28, 2007, 01:30 AM // 01:30

Underworld: Evolution

Tanis: You don't scare me, Selene.
Selene: Well, we'll have to work on that.

Accursed · Dec 28, 2007, 02:40 AM // 02:40

Put the lotion in the basket.

lawlz

Ironig · Dec 28, 2007, 03:29 AM // 03:29

Hmm, for those of us part of the Colbert nation, I'd have to say that his fear of baby carrots making him gay is pretty good. That and an interview he had with a guest who was speaking to him about the earth and it's resources, it went something like this.
Guest: We will be out of oil in just a few decades.
Stephen Colbert:Well then, what other natural resource can we waste.
Guest: Well there's hemp.
Colbert: No sir, we don't waste hemp, hemp waste's us.

....I don't post much so let me know if Colbert's homophobia or drug reference, although I think I'm safe after that one guy's series of "innuendo"

Conan The Barbarian · Dec 28, 2007, 04:14 AM // 04:14

" the phone books here, the phone books here, things are going to start happening to me now"

the jerk--

IslandHermet · Dec 28, 2007, 03:38 PM // 15:38

Fear and loathing in las Vegas. if you have not seen this go rent it NOW.

"What about the RED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GOin golf shoes"

"we can't stop here this is bat country"